Not That I Object
by insaneprincess
Summary: Jacob and Nessie are living a perfect life when Nessie asks Jacob how he knew her parents, leading to an argument gone wrong. It's dark humour. VERY SHORT.


**A/N -- Ok i wrote this for fun, it's really short and not that well written. I find it funny, although some people might think it's sad. I'm not a huge fan of the Jacob/Renesme pairing, although sometimes I think it's okay. I just wrote this to amuse me, please read and review. **

**Disclaimer: I own this computer and a package of sticky notes. I don't own Twilight, as much as I'd like to.**

Not That I Object

Jacob and Renesme sat together on their sofa in the small house they had bought together near Forks and La Push. It was perfect, right near where they both grew up. They were happily married and had a perfect life together. Renesme understood about imprinting and although she was technically a vampire now, as she was over seven years old and no longer aging, Jacob still loved her. It was an odd relationship, definitely, but they were both happy.

Then, however, Renesme asked the dreaded question.

"How did you meet my parents? You were all friends together, but nobody's ever explained that really."

Jacob swallowed. _Uh oh._ "Uh, my dad and your mother's dad were good friends and so Bella and I became friends, sort of." _Or more, I hoped_. "Your father and I were never really friends, you know that werewolves and vampires were never really on good terms. And uh I suppose I was jealous of him, after all, he had everything." He admitted. He wondered how she'd take that.

"What do you mean, everything?"

"Uh, he was… rich and well… good looking, I mean every girl wanted him." He sighed. "But he had to get the one I wanted," he added under his breath, thinking Renesme couldn't hear him. But she did.

"WHAT?!" she shrieked. "You liked my MOTHER!!"

"Well this was before you were born! I love you now, you know that!"

"You only married me because she was already married! And you would've been happy I was never born, because you could've had her. Oh my god. Oh my god. OH MY GOD!" She was starting to cry.

"I love you Nessie. I couldn't love anyone more."

She snarled at him. "You do, do you? Or are you still here because you love my MOM? Still fantasizing about her aren't you? Wish you were with her?"

He rolled his eyes. "Of course not. I don't feel like that anymore. I mean it was a crush, honestly nothing more. I mean I kissed her, but she still loved her precious bloodsucker more. It was one sided. I mean I pictured her naked, but then when she was she was so pregnant I didn't even want to look…"

Renesme interrupted him. " YOU PICTURED MY MOTHER NAKED?! YOU BASTARD! And you kissed her when she was already with him!! You pushy, idiotic dog! I'm a 'bloodsucker', too don't you remember? I can't believe this! I should have stayed with Embry!"

He was suddenly standing, shaking for attempting to control his anger. He could not, would not turn into a wolf here. "You cheated on me with Embry!!"

She rolled her eyes, still crying. "Yes. And Quil."

He was shaking like crazy now. "You SLUT! You cheated on me! I've been loyal to you this whole time!!"

"REALLY?! NOT DREAMING ABOUT MY MOTHER NAKED, ARE YOU?! I HATE YOU!!"

That was when he lost control. He was suddenly the enormous russet brown wolf, and he was lunging at her.

She was a vampire, but he had surprise and rage on his side. He'd always had an unbearable temper, which he'd lost constantly in Bella's presence. He didn't love her anymore-well maybe he did a little bit. But mostly he loved Renesme. But only because he imprinted on her. There was really nothing he could do to change that. His fury drove him to lunge at her neck, his teeth snapping and in one fluid movement she was decapitated.

Shock hit him them. He _loved _Renesme and he had just bit her head off – literally. The grief hit him and he was suddenly a human again, his clothes and shoes in scraps at his feet. He gaped in horror at the mutilated corpse of his beloved. Instantly he knew what to do. He raced to the kitchen, and grabbed a butcher knife. He ran back to Renesme and then thrust the knife through his heart. It was one of the most failsafe ways of killing a werewolf.

The next day Bella and Edward came to visit their daughter and her husband, to find them dead on the floor. While Bella gasped and fought tears, Edward examined the knife in Jacob's chest. "What are you thinking?" Bella whispered.

He smirked slightly. "I was wondering why she stabbed him. Not that I object.'


End file.
